Hey Friend,
A couple of weeks ago, a client messaged me on WhatsApp.
They said they felt like it was time to wrap up our coaching relationship. They’d got what they needed — which, if I’m honest, is exactly the outcome I want for every single client.
But as I read the message, I felt a wave of emotion wash over me as if something bad had happened.
It was a feeling of rejection. Of not being good enough.
But was this feeling actually true?
Of course not.
I knew I wasn’t being rejected. I know I’m a great coach. But it triggered a part of me that still had healing to do. The hurt little Daniel that once felt rejected and not good enough.
I caught myself in the feeling fast.
And instead of distracting myself to avoid it, I sat with it. And I got curious about what I was feeling and where I felt it.
This was massive.
Because I’m someone who grew up not knowing how to feel my emotions. I thought emotions were a sign of weakness. So I bottled them up, suppressed them in my body, and prided myself on being stoic.
But I never knew the damage it was causing me. And how my bottled-up emotions would rear their ugly heads in people-pleasing, anger outbursts, and self-sabotage patterns.
I’m still learning how to feel my emotions.
And it’s something I want to encourage in our kids.
It’s easy to distract them with TV or snacks when they’re feeling their big messy emotions.
It’s damn hard to calmly sit with them and help them ride out their big waves of emotion. Because we feel so uncomfortable feeling our own big emotions. And their big emotions often trigger ours.
But this is the work.
Perhaps, the most important work of all.
Because we are emotional beings. And to experience the full tapestry of life, we must learn to build a great relationship with ALL of our emotions. Not just the positive ones.
But how do we do this?
Earlier this week, Matt Lavars joined me for round two on the podcast.
It’s fair to say I was a tad excited for this conversation, because both Kaci and I had recently read his new book All of You, which is an incredible book on emotions, and a low-key excellent book on parenting and relationships.
I wanted to learn more about how to actually feel the full wave of my emotions and heal the wounded parts of me.
