Hey Friend,
Have you ever read something that stopped you in your tracks?
Turns out, Gray’s speech was the inspiration behind one of my favourites, Earl Nightingale.
“The common denominator of success – secret of success of every individual who has ever been successful – lies in the fact that he or she formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.”
This idea connects beautifully to what I shared
last week,
“your life is a reflection of the habits you’ve accumulated”.
As I sat down for my 20 minutes of stillness, I meditated on this idea.
Where had I let the habits of failure seep into my life?
And then it hit me.
I’d been invited to a business event on the Gold Coast in March next year. The person who invited me runs three successful businesses, and I can see them as a potential referral partner.
But from the initial invitation, I never felt a splenic “yes” in my body (a quiet, intuitive knowing) – which is something I’ve learned about my decision making process through Human Design.
Although my body was telling me “no”, I felt torn.
Because there was a part of me that wanted to say “yes” so I could continue to invest in the relationship.
This pending decision lingered in the back of my mind for a few weeks, taking up precious mental bandwidth.
“Every single qualification for success is acquired through habit. People form habits and habits form futures. If you do not deliberately form good habits, then unconsciously you will form bad ones. You are the kind of person you are because you have formed the habit of being that kind of person, and the only way you can change is through habit.”
Something I’ve learned about successful people is they have the habit of making decisions, and promptly. Successful people also have the habit of having difficult conversations.
They don’t necessarily enjoy doing these things. But they have formed the habit of facing them rather than avoiding them.
We will go to great lengths to avoid having difficult conversations and making hard decisions. It could be with your spouse, your boss or a friend. The avoidance can last for months, years, sometimes even decades.
How much pain have we caused ourselves through avoidance?
But something I’ve come to appreciate is that great rewards lie on the other side of difficult conversations and tough decisions.
As I shared last week,
The things that are painful in the short term reward us in the long term. And the things that are pleasurable in the short term damage us in the long run.
After reading this article and meditating on the idea, I reflected on my own life and realised what I must do.
My body had been telling me all along to say “no” to this event invitation. But the people-pleasing part of me was looking for logical reasons to justify saying “yes”.
I now had clarity on my next move.
It was time to practise the habit of having difficult conversations and saying “no”.
So that’s what I did.
First thing on Monday morning, I called him up and said:
“Thank you for the invitation. I value the relationship we’ve been building. However, I’ve decided this business event is not a priority for me right now.”
30 seconds of courage. That’s all it took. And on the other side? Liberation.
And it’s a thread I’ve seen time and time again in myself and the clients I’ve worked with. So much pain and mental bandwidth are consumed by avoiding difficult conversations and making tough decisions.
But on the other side, there is always peace and liberation.
Now this runs counter to an idea I fell in love with seven years ago at the beginning of my coaching journey:
“Say YES, and then work out how.”
Which is a paraphrase of the popular quote by billionaire Richard Branson, “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!”
That idea has served me immensely!
I’ve said “yes” to many amazing and life-changing opportunities over the years. But in recent times, I’ve come to realise the power of saying “no”.
Because as you master your craft and become a person of greater value, more people want your time, energy, perspective and resources.
And if you’re not clear on your priorities and firm with your boundaries – then your time, energy, perspective and resources will not be directed to what’s most important to you.
Wisdom is knowing when to say “yes” to an opportunity and when to say “no”.
