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Published on 14 May, 2023

If you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship and your finances ARE NOT combined then you’re doing it wrong…

There I said it.

I’m sure this opinion will rub a few of you the wrong way…

It’s no secret that financial problems are one of the leading causes of relationship breakdowns. But it’s not really the money that’s the problem. It’s the lack of communication and transparency that is the real killer.

When you are in a committed long-term relationship it’s not about MY money vs YOUR money.

It’s about OUR money. It’s about OUR goals. It’s about OUR vision.

When you are in a long-term committed relationship you are a TEAM.

It makes no goddamn sense to have your money separate if you’re in a long-term committed relationship.

This tells me there is a lack of TRUST in your relationship when it comes to money. And that is a big problem. 

 

One of the biggest problems I see among couples is they never talk about their combined long-term vision and goals. 

They’re just going through the motions. 

One of them is usually more future-focused, wanting to save and invest, and the other is more focused on enjoying the money in the present. And this difference in VALUES causes a lot of conflict and frustration between them when money is brought up.

Have you experienced this before in your relationship?

I know I sure have. Kaci and I have had many disagreements about money because our values are different. Kaci predominantly values SECURITY, whereas I predominantly value FREEDOM. 

I want you to know that your differences in values are normal.

You are two separate people with your own upbringing around money. And how you were brought up around money will play a big role in what you value when it comes to money. It doesn’t mean one of you is right and the other is wrong. So stop thinking that way. 

To have a healthy relationship you don’t have to have all the same values. But there must be respect for one another’s values, even if you don’t 100% agree with them.  

This is where communication comes in.

If you don’t talk to your partner about money then you will never understand your partner’s perspectives and values around money.

Do you know what your partner values when it comes to money?

Do you know what their upbringing was like when it comes to money? 

I love having these conversations with the couples I coach.

It can be really hard to have these conversations on your own, but with an experienced third party, it can be ground-breaking.

It’s one of the biggest intangible benefits that my financial clients experience when working with me. And for me, it’s far more rewarding to see couples coming together as a team vs seeing their wealth grow. 

It doesn’t matter if one person earns three times more than the other person. When you’re in a relationship you are a TEAM. And just because one of you doesn’t earn as much as the other, it does not mean that the one earning less is not adding value to the relationship in many other ways.

Right now Kaci is off on maternity leave. So I am now the sole breadwinner. But the role Kaci is playing as Mum right now is priceless. She is adding immense value to our relationship and family.

When I quit my engineering career to start building my business Kaci took the lead and became the main breadwinner for two years. While I wasn’t earning as much during this period, Kaci provided us with financial security in the short term. While I worked towards building long-term freedom and flexibility in our life which we are already starting to experience.

What intangible value do you and your partner provide to your relationship? 

I guarantee if you have tough conversations with your partner about money and make the decision to combine your finances then you will fast-track your finances big time!

Two people working TOGETHER are far more powerful than two people working separately on their own individual goals… 

Big Love,
Marshy

P.S. Congratulations to the three people who took action on the 50% off promotion for ‘Money Mastery with Marshy’ last week. 😎

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WHO IS MARSHY?

Financial Habits Mentor & Host of the Podcast 'Money Mastery with Marshy.

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